Post #7: Conflict Resolution

What are the underlying emotions and how do you handle them?

July 15, 2015

I've been asked to write about my experience with conflict, my self-awareness when it comes to related emotions, and my resolution of said conflict. I find this to be a difficult topic to write about as I don't really experience a lot of conflict, and certainly not in the workplace. If anything, I could probably stand be to more assertive about my thoughts and feelings and occasionally more outwardly honest. In general, my aversion to conflict has served me well. I do not get in quarrels with anyone I am not really emotionally close to. I might argue or speak up when I disagree with my mother or my husband, but not really others. It's probably more likely that I internalize the conflict or that I need to speak up more for what I believe in. I don't feel comfortable confronting people, and I feel very uncomfortable observing direct conflict. The reverse is true if I feel I am the cause of conflict for someone else, especially someone I care about, respect, or admire. Because I do not like conflict, I try to confront people immediately if I am possibly to blame. I want the issue resolved as quickly as possible and for the mood or relationship to return to peace. I really cannot sit or wait in these situations. In fact, I probably need to imrpove when it comes to my patience with other's anger. I want to be able to apologize and move on, but sometimes need to allow someone to feel angry or upset if they need that time.

If something does get under my skin or upsets me it is likely caused by my feeling that someone is being inconsiderate of me or others or does not take me seriously enough. This is probably similar to the example anecdote of the woman at DBC who was cleaning up after people and not feeling valued as a professional. I don't like feeling patronized or underestimated and perhaps that's partly or mostly because I am coming from the perspective of a female in a professional environment. In the past, I have probably gravitated toward people who I felt valued me truly or other females in the workplace. I have discussed issues with people outside of work. And generally, I have probably not called people out when I feel they are doing myself or others a disservice. I stay calm outwardly.

How I would like to handle these and other related situations in the future is to be able to assert my feelings and opinions while still maintaining my even-keeled nature. I would like to defend myself or others when I should, be willing to go against the grain when necessary. I want to look for opening dialogue and conversation when I am on the receiving end, not just the other way around.

This is a topic I will have to be open to considering as I enter a very different professional environment than my last one. As a teacher in my particular school environment, I think I was less likely to face conflict. The type of people who were drawn to my same work in the past were similar to me. I could see moving into a more corporate style setting triggering very different emotions at my workplace. There will likely be more diverse personal values in my new work setting than my last, which I anticipate could cause more internal conflict for me. I could maybe see a greater need to work on my assertiveness in the future as I encounter more people with different life and professional goals. Or, I might have different criteria when searching for my next workplace. Lots of food for thought.